I finished The Ethical Slut today.
I had hoped that the authors might, at some point, move away from endless discussion of the myriad forms of conflict and conflict resolution. They did not. I had hoped for in-depth analyses of different forms of polyamory, perhaps with anecdotes and history. I would have liked more discussion of the norms and etiquettes in various scenes. I really thought that I would get a discussion of how this all might tie into spirituality or parapsychology.
I didn't get what I wanted. The second two thirds of the book also devote themselves to negotiations and conflict resolution. With many of the same techniques presented over and over, simply reworded. While I appreciate an entire chapter on jealousy, filling it again and again with eight thousand words' worth of "schedule, negotiate, own your emotions" hardly seems to justify the effort.
That said, I do understand what they're trying to do. They bring to light a possible emotional pitfall, one you may or may not have thought of, and then repeat their mantra. It does inspire some confidence.
I really think I could have stopped reading at about the point I last posted.
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3 comments:
Weird that the authors devoted so much to jealousy. I haven't been jealous AT ALL. Many other emotions to be sure, but not jealous.
Their basic target audience seemed to be people who aren't into the scene and aren't naturally drawn to it, but who fantasize about the acts themselves. Devoting so much space to dealing with jealousy probably makes sense for many of their prime demographic.
I imagine for anyone who contemplates the scene, their first thought is that jealousy would be an issue. I know I wondered about it when I first started thinking about it. Now I realize that jealousy happens when there is the fear of your SO being attracted to someone else at your expense, and you get excluded. That fear might be legitimate for many in the everyday world, where attraction to others is suppressed, denied, or done secretly. When it comes to this, attraction is welcomed and all-inclusive and jealousy isn't even a factor. Hard for those mired in the everyday world to imagine!
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